When I was a small child, the first trip to the dentist that I can remember was a horrible time for me. To this day I can remember it, and feel the pain as if it were taking place this very moment. I got 8 fillings and 4 caps and not once time did they dentist numb my mouth. They would not let my mom go in the treatment room with me, and when she could hear me screaming out in such pain and demanded to know what the hell was going on, they informed her that doctor was just cleaning my teeth...Well, for a couple of years I would not let my mom take me back to the dentist. I mean, I guess she could have since she was my mom and I was just a little kid, but you get my point. Also, some years later that asshole dentist killed himself because he was being sued for the millionth time because of the kind of treatment he was giving to his patients. Hmm.
My mom found a pediatric dentist and she started taking me there. It was a husband and wife practice and I absolutely LOVED it. I still remember their name and I have not been there in over 20 years. Yeah, seriously 20 years, but after my first visit to them I would literally beg my mom to take me to the dentist, and somehow I came to LOVE going to the dentist. Even as I got older and I knew that I would be having to get a filling or something, I still loved going.
Fast Forward to post children...my teeth started going bad. I had no insurance...blah blah blah...I ended up having to have 2 crowns done at one time on the top two front teeth, and now, 5 years later I am needing more dental work done....and this time I am not loving the idea of going to the dentist. lol.
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Family
I don't know about all families, but I know that when I was growing up my family was very close. Maybe not my whole family, but still. I know that I was close to my moms baby brother and his kids, and then with my dads family. Even though my dad was in prison pretty much my entire childhood, until I was 18 or 19 to be exact, his family ALWAYS welcomed my mom and I and I am telling you, that is where some of my most favorite times.
I honestly do not remember a single weekend of my childhood where I was not with them at some point. We did everything together, and we did absolutely nothing together as well, but it was still a blast.
We had family reunions, every year, and being that that side of my family is/was in to music, there was almost always a guitar brought out, and everybody would sing songs. It was amazing and I miss that so much.
I feel like not only my kids, but probably so many kids in this crazy world, are missing out on making the kind of memories that me and my cousins made. Everybody is living life in the fast lane and it seems like we just honestly do not make enough time for life. We all need to slow down and make some time to make memories. I know that my husband I are going to start making more time and making great memories for my kids. They are honestly blessed to have such a great stepdad, and although they don't always show it, the both tell me all the time that they are glad to have him in their lives. I can assure you that this year will be a blast for them, and they will have some awesome memories of this year...even though it started off rough, 2014 will be a year they won't soon forget, if ever!!!!!
I honestly do not remember a single weekend of my childhood where I was not with them at some point. We did everything together, and we did absolutely nothing together as well, but it was still a blast.
We had family reunions, every year, and being that that side of my family is/was in to music, there was almost always a guitar brought out, and everybody would sing songs. It was amazing and I miss that so much.
I feel like not only my kids, but probably so many kids in this crazy world, are missing out on making the kind of memories that me and my cousins made. Everybody is living life in the fast lane and it seems like we just honestly do not make enough time for life. We all need to slow down and make some time to make memories. I know that my husband I are going to start making more time and making great memories for my kids. They are honestly blessed to have such a great stepdad, and although they don't always show it, the both tell me all the time that they are glad to have him in their lives. I can assure you that this year will be a blast for them, and they will have some awesome memories of this year...even though it started off rough, 2014 will be a year they won't soon forget, if ever!!!!!
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Do gooders...PISS ME OFF!
I am not always the kindest person, but I do often try to be. When I see that someone is struggling and I know that there is something that I can do to help, 9 times out of 10, I am going to do what I can.
Recently I had a friend who's sister passed away of breast cancer after several YEARS of fighting. Through all of the fighting, and the loss of their mother, and all of the struggles, NONE of her (the one fighting for her life) friends stepped up and really offered any help. After seeing some posts that my friend had made on Facebook, I decided I would step up and help the best that I could. We started planning a benefit, and of course everybody wanted to help out immediately...until it came down to it. Through most of the planning there was only one person helping me out. Fine. Whatever. The thing that pissed me off the most, in the beginning anyway, was that one of the people that wanted to help and was all gun-ho, backed out, and that is fine, if you don't want to help that is fine. You don't know these people, blah blah...But the way that you did it, and the timing...bitch, you ain't nothing but a do gooder and you are only going to do something if YOU can benefit from it. I have seen that already. I read your bullshit post on Facebook everyday about paying it forward, but again, you only want to pay it forward if you benefit from it. You know what, FUCK YOU! There is a special place in hell for people like you.
Throughout this process, others did step up and help, some ended up not being able to finish due to illness, and I get that. That is fine. It is what it is.
In the end, the biggest thing that pissed me off...people trying to take credit for shit they had NOTHING to fucking do it. Let it be known that I couldn't give a shit less if anybody knows that I helped someone out, but trust me when I say that I would NEVER try to take credit for ANYTHING that I did NOT do. Because I am not a do gooder, I am NOT going blast anybody, or state exactly what I am talking about...it doesn't matter in the end because I know what happened, what is right, what is wrong, what is fact and what is lies. This whole experience has made me realize that I need to think twice before helping out, and maybe 3 or 4 times about the people I let "help" me.
Recently I had a friend who's sister passed away of breast cancer after several YEARS of fighting. Through all of the fighting, and the loss of their mother, and all of the struggles, NONE of her (the one fighting for her life) friends stepped up and really offered any help. After seeing some posts that my friend had made on Facebook, I decided I would step up and help the best that I could. We started planning a benefit, and of course everybody wanted to help out immediately...until it came down to it. Through most of the planning there was only one person helping me out. Fine. Whatever. The thing that pissed me off the most, in the beginning anyway, was that one of the people that wanted to help and was all gun-ho, backed out, and that is fine, if you don't want to help that is fine. You don't know these people, blah blah...But the way that you did it, and the timing...bitch, you ain't nothing but a do gooder and you are only going to do something if YOU can benefit from it. I have seen that already. I read your bullshit post on Facebook everyday about paying it forward, but again, you only want to pay it forward if you benefit from it. You know what, FUCK YOU! There is a special place in hell for people like you.
Throughout this process, others did step up and help, some ended up not being able to finish due to illness, and I get that. That is fine. It is what it is.
In the end, the biggest thing that pissed me off...people trying to take credit for shit they had NOTHING to fucking do it. Let it be known that I couldn't give a shit less if anybody knows that I helped someone out, but trust me when I say that I would NEVER try to take credit for ANYTHING that I did NOT do. Because I am not a do gooder, I am NOT going blast anybody, or state exactly what I am talking about...it doesn't matter in the end because I know what happened, what is right, what is wrong, what is fact and what is lies. This whole experience has made me realize that I need to think twice before helping out, and maybe 3 or 4 times about the people I let "help" me.
Hmmm
So now that it seems like my life is slowing down, maybe I can force myself to start blogging again? I hope. It is a good way for me to things outta my head, but sometimes it can come back to bite me in the ass. Some people have access to reading my posts, and I feel at times I have to filter my thoughts, and I don't want to sit here to type everything out just to make it private, so...who knows?!? I have thought about deleting this account and starting a new one, but...apparently at this moment I am too stupid for that. lol. Then I think...well, do I really want to go through all that?? Yeah, probably not...so, readers beware...If you feel like something is directed towards you, it very possibly could be, but I will try to refrain from using names.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Dreading Tomorrow
Tomorrow is going to be a hard day for me. I am going to the funeral of a childhood friend who is only 4 years older than myself. At 39 she has lost her long battle with breast cancer. I think I have only been to one funeral since my own mom passed away 5 years ago. I just can't bring myself to go. Funerals are always sad to me, and I always cry, and it doesn't matter if I even know the person. Ugh. I know, I am such a cry baby, but for some reason, it's just harder since my mom is gone.
I went to the viewing tonight and I was actually able to hold it together the entire time I was there. AS SOON as I swung the door open to leave, I LOST IT! Every time I looked at my friend laying there in that casket, all I could see what my mom. I couldn't bring myself to really even get close enough because I knew I would lose all control. The closer I got the faster flashes of my mom kept popping in my head. Literally. However, tomorrow morning at 10 a.m. I will take myself up there again and pay my final respects to someone who is not much older than myself. Someone that I grew up with. Someone that leaves behind 2 beautiful kids who even though their world is turned upside down, seem to be able to hold it together and have an amazing bond with each other.
I went to the viewing tonight and I was actually able to hold it together the entire time I was there. AS SOON as I swung the door open to leave, I LOST IT! Every time I looked at my friend laying there in that casket, all I could see what my mom. I couldn't bring myself to really even get close enough because I knew I would lose all control. The closer I got the faster flashes of my mom kept popping in my head. Literally. However, tomorrow morning at 10 a.m. I will take myself up there again and pay my final respects to someone who is not much older than myself. Someone that I grew up with. Someone that leaves behind 2 beautiful kids who even though their world is turned upside down, seem to be able to hold it together and have an amazing bond with each other.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Heaven Couldn't Wait
It saddens me to say that my childhood friend who has been battling breast cancer passed away this morning. I know that she is no longer in any pain, nor is she suffering, but now it is a different kind of pain...for her 2 kids, ages 19 and 17 who are having to not only figure out what their new normal is going to be, but also how to bury their mom. Myself along with a great group of people have been working on trying to help this family out as much as possible, and a gofundme.com account has been set up to help pay for the funeral.
We are still going to have the benefit January 25, 2014.
I know this may not be the place to post this, but I have a friend who lost her battle to cancer this morning and she has 2 kids ages 19 and 17 who are left with worrying how they are going to bury their mom, along with so many other things. We where planning a benefit, and still are, and all the money will go to the kids. I just wanted to post and ask as many people that possible can, to please help out. Please contact Tara Holland Thibodaux for more info about the benefit, or if you are interested in cooking in a chili cookoff for the benefit which is going to be held at Blue Collar Bar in Pasadena on January 25th!!!! https://www.facebook.com/KristiKrummelLakeBenefit http://www.gofundme.com/5hxqwo
We are still going to have the benefit January 25, 2014.
I know this may not be the place to post this, but I have a friend who lost her battle to cancer this morning and she has 2 kids ages 19 and 17 who are left with worrying how they are going to bury their mom, along with so many other things. We where planning a benefit, and still are, and all the money will go to the kids. I just wanted to post and ask as many people that possible can, to please help out. Please contact Tara Holland Thibodaux for more info about the benefit, or if you are interested in cooking in a chili cookoff for the benefit which is going to be held at Blue Collar Bar in Pasadena on January 25th!!!! https://www.facebook.com/KristiKrummelLakeBenefit http://www.gofundme.com/5hxqwo
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Mind Vomit
Lol. Sorry, I couldn't think of a good title for this post, and I have so much on my mind right now it just seemed fitting. As I sit here waiting on the timer to go off for my second batch of 2 dozen cupcakes my mind is going in every direction possible and then some. I have not blogged in what seems like a million years, and I am honestly trying to get back into the groove of things. This is an outlet for me. Something that I may not be all that great at, but something that I truly enjoy none the less. While at times I have a way with words, more often than not my mind is going so crazy I just can't seem to put everything into words and it still make sense. Make sense? Probably not, but...I guess that is my self diagnosis of adult ADD and my NOT so self diagnosed OCD.
With the holidays very quickly approaching, and the general population trying to force Christmas upon us sooner than should be, I find myself sinking more and more into a funk. I hate the holidays. I don't hate the meaning behind them, just the stress that comes along with them. The stress that many average Americans endure every year. Trying to make sure that all the bills stay paid, that there is food in the house, that kids get what they want, and don't forget about the Elf! The silly fucking elf should be coming out Thursday night! Thankfully, but sadly, our elf, Stormy, will not be making her appearance just yet because my kiddos are with their dad this week and I refuse to decorate the tree without them. Would this be the time that I secretly enjoy the elf and the silly antics that go along with it? I mean, I know that there is no way that Keigan still believes in Santa, so I know there is no way that she believes in the elf, but she enjoys it, and she sincerely cries every year when the elf has to leave. Who the hell am I to take that away from her? I only wish I would have known about it when both of my kids were much younger. I am also proud to say that Dawson has never tried to ruin Santa or the elf for his little sister. Yay! He can be such a butt head to her, but he never tries to ruin these things for her. I think they both enjoy it for one of the biggest reasons I hate it....it is a great memory of my mom. Thanksgiving and Christmas were her favorite holidays ever and both of my kids inherited that I guess. They never ask for too much and they are always excited.
So with this time of year, I always try to keep myself busy so that I don't get swallowed by this lurking depression. I would say this year I am doing a good job at keeping it at bay. While it is for something very heartbreaking, I am keeping my mind occupied with planning a benefit for a childhood friend who has been fighting breast cancer for a few years. AHHH, this is where my mind starts going fucking haywire! I will do my best....here is how all of this came about.....Growing up I had some friends name Kristi, Nichi, and Misty, sisters of course. As we got older and went on with our own lives we lost touch, but then reconnected thru Facebook. I didn't know a whole lot of what they had been up to in life through the years, but I will tell you what I learned over the course of the past few years. I knew that Kristi had been diagnosed a couple of years ago, but I never knew her prognosis. I knew she was kicking ass in her treatments and pushing forward. I knew that at the start of everything her husband decided he wasn't going to stick around through this and he was doing all kinds of crazy drugs and cheating on his wife of 17 years while she was having a mastectomy and of course they got divorced. Good for her! She had bigger fish to fry, but at the same time, they had 2 kids together, and she was going through the biggest struggle of her life. Earlier this year the unexpectedly lost their mom. She had struggled with some health issues, but I don't think it was anything they expect to take her life when it did. While I had been their shoes with loss of their mom, I reached out to them. They were in my daily thoughts, and every time I see something on Facebook about one of them missing their mom, it breaks my heart because I truly know what it feels like.
I know I am leaving out a bunch of stuff, but I am not meaning too. Please forgive me.
Now here it is months after the passing of their mom, Kristi is having complications with her cancer. She had gone into remission but the cancer came back, and with a vengeance. It has been one thing after another and it seems like they can't catch a break. Heartbreaking. Just yesterday the family was given some bad news, Kristi's prognosis is not good, and they don't expect her to make it until Christmas.
Anyway, a few weeks ago Misty has posted something about trying to plan a benefit but that she has so much going on and it was stressing her out. She works full time and takes care of Kristi and Kristi's 2 kids. Kristi's daughter was in her first semester of college at Texas Tech and has left school there to come back home and go to the local community college and work so that she can help take care of her mom. Her son is still in high school. SOO, I told Misty that I would take care of the benefit, if that was okay with her, so that maybe I could help take some of the stress off of her shoulders. Everything is coming along great with the planning but I will say, some people really are ungrateful and just want to try to be the super star or whatever you want to call it. I set up a Facebook page about the benefit so that we can spread the word, and things could be posted on one central page etc. Within just a matter of days I had already secured a venue, got a team of people together to help me out, and had 2 bands booked, a dj, and a few other big things in the works. Then some idiot comes along and posts on this page that I created, pretty much saying that this is going to be a failure, and it's not going to raise any money, blah blah fucking blah. To say that this pissed me off would be an understatement, but I tried my very best not to be a rude bitch. I don't know if it worked or not, but whatever. I guess it is what it is. Here is my take on that whole subject....Kristi didn't just get cancer last week! This has been something that she has been battling for a few years, fucktard. (No, I didn't say that on the post, but I damn sure wanted to) and for starters I am the only person who has stepped up to help plan anything for her and her family and we haven't even been close in years! Don't come at me with some bullshit that you and your wife were planning something with some 15+ death metal bands and all this shit. Why haven't you said anything to anybody? Why has it taken you 3 years what took me less than a week? Am I planning a death metal battle of the bands benefit, NO, but don't tell me that what I am doing is not going to raise money. It's not going to raise millions, but something is better than nothing, and what you claim to be planning isn't going to raise millions either. I very nicely told this dude to continue with his plans and have another benefit for Kristi, as there was no law saying there could only be one. Shit, the more you can do, and the more money you can raise, the better. Especially in a matter like this. This is something I whole hearted believe in, and I feel like it is for a good cause. This dude does not know me, know the people that I am assosiated with, or what we are capable of, and he has absolutely not fucking right to say that "my people" are not big spenders and that this is not going to make any money for the family. Ugh. end of that rant....
While there is still so much to do for this benefit, I feel like it is coming along nicely.
Aside from being busy with all of that, I am also busy with other things. Nothing as time consuming, but still busy. Slowly in the process of starting a business with one of my best friends, plus working on my photography stuff. Not to mention sports. Football just ended for Dawson, and now it is basketball and cross country. It will soon be softball season for Keigan...
Well, I guess that is all for this post. I just finished baking the first 48 cupcakes, and the rest will have to wait until tomorrow.
With the holidays very quickly approaching, and the general population trying to force Christmas upon us sooner than should be, I find myself sinking more and more into a funk. I hate the holidays. I don't hate the meaning behind them, just the stress that comes along with them. The stress that many average Americans endure every year. Trying to make sure that all the bills stay paid, that there is food in the house, that kids get what they want, and don't forget about the Elf! The silly fucking elf should be coming out Thursday night! Thankfully, but sadly, our elf, Stormy, will not be making her appearance just yet because my kiddos are with their dad this week and I refuse to decorate the tree without them. Would this be the time that I secretly enjoy the elf and the silly antics that go along with it? I mean, I know that there is no way that Keigan still believes in Santa, so I know there is no way that she believes in the elf, but she enjoys it, and she sincerely cries every year when the elf has to leave. Who the hell am I to take that away from her? I only wish I would have known about it when both of my kids were much younger. I am also proud to say that Dawson has never tried to ruin Santa or the elf for his little sister. Yay! He can be such a butt head to her, but he never tries to ruin these things for her. I think they both enjoy it for one of the biggest reasons I hate it....it is a great memory of my mom. Thanksgiving and Christmas were her favorite holidays ever and both of my kids inherited that I guess. They never ask for too much and they are always excited.
So with this time of year, I always try to keep myself busy so that I don't get swallowed by this lurking depression. I would say this year I am doing a good job at keeping it at bay. While it is for something very heartbreaking, I am keeping my mind occupied with planning a benefit for a childhood friend who has been fighting breast cancer for a few years. AHHH, this is where my mind starts going fucking haywire! I will do my best....here is how all of this came about.....Growing up I had some friends name Kristi, Nichi, and Misty, sisters of course. As we got older and went on with our own lives we lost touch, but then reconnected thru Facebook. I didn't know a whole lot of what they had been up to in life through the years, but I will tell you what I learned over the course of the past few years. I knew that Kristi had been diagnosed a couple of years ago, but I never knew her prognosis. I knew she was kicking ass in her treatments and pushing forward. I knew that at the start of everything her husband decided he wasn't going to stick around through this and he was doing all kinds of crazy drugs and cheating on his wife of 17 years while she was having a mastectomy and of course they got divorced. Good for her! She had bigger fish to fry, but at the same time, they had 2 kids together, and she was going through the biggest struggle of her life. Earlier this year the unexpectedly lost their mom. She had struggled with some health issues, but I don't think it was anything they expect to take her life when it did. While I had been their shoes with loss of their mom, I reached out to them. They were in my daily thoughts, and every time I see something on Facebook about one of them missing their mom, it breaks my heart because I truly know what it feels like.
I know I am leaving out a bunch of stuff, but I am not meaning too. Please forgive me.
Now here it is months after the passing of their mom, Kristi is having complications with her cancer. She had gone into remission but the cancer came back, and with a vengeance. It has been one thing after another and it seems like they can't catch a break. Heartbreaking. Just yesterday the family was given some bad news, Kristi's prognosis is not good, and they don't expect her to make it until Christmas.
Anyway, a few weeks ago Misty has posted something about trying to plan a benefit but that she has so much going on and it was stressing her out. She works full time and takes care of Kristi and Kristi's 2 kids. Kristi's daughter was in her first semester of college at Texas Tech and has left school there to come back home and go to the local community college and work so that she can help take care of her mom. Her son is still in high school. SOO, I told Misty that I would take care of the benefit, if that was okay with her, so that maybe I could help take some of the stress off of her shoulders. Everything is coming along great with the planning but I will say, some people really are ungrateful and just want to try to be the super star or whatever you want to call it. I set up a Facebook page about the benefit so that we can spread the word, and things could be posted on one central page etc. Within just a matter of days I had already secured a venue, got a team of people together to help me out, and had 2 bands booked, a dj, and a few other big things in the works. Then some idiot comes along and posts on this page that I created, pretty much saying that this is going to be a failure, and it's not going to raise any money, blah blah fucking blah. To say that this pissed me off would be an understatement, but I tried my very best not to be a rude bitch. I don't know if it worked or not, but whatever. I guess it is what it is. Here is my take on that whole subject....Kristi didn't just get cancer last week! This has been something that she has been battling for a few years, fucktard. (No, I didn't say that on the post, but I damn sure wanted to) and for starters I am the only person who has stepped up to help plan anything for her and her family and we haven't even been close in years! Don't come at me with some bullshit that you and your wife were planning something with some 15+ death metal bands and all this shit. Why haven't you said anything to anybody? Why has it taken you 3 years what took me less than a week? Am I planning a death metal battle of the bands benefit, NO, but don't tell me that what I am doing is not going to raise money. It's not going to raise millions, but something is better than nothing, and what you claim to be planning isn't going to raise millions either. I very nicely told this dude to continue with his plans and have another benefit for Kristi, as there was no law saying there could only be one. Shit, the more you can do, and the more money you can raise, the better. Especially in a matter like this. This is something I whole hearted believe in, and I feel like it is for a good cause. This dude does not know me, know the people that I am assosiated with, or what we are capable of, and he has absolutely not fucking right to say that "my people" are not big spenders and that this is not going to make any money for the family. Ugh. end of that rant....
While there is still so much to do for this benefit, I feel like it is coming along nicely.
Aside from being busy with all of that, I am also busy with other things. Nothing as time consuming, but still busy. Slowly in the process of starting a business with one of my best friends, plus working on my photography stuff. Not to mention sports. Football just ended for Dawson, and now it is basketball and cross country. It will soon be softball season for Keigan...
Well, I guess that is all for this post. I just finished baking the first 48 cupcakes, and the rest will have to wait until tomorrow.
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