Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Somethings never change

I have been contemplating this post for a very long time, but never really put too much time and effort into it, and for several different reasons. The main reason, because I try to think that I am past a lot of it and I don't want to sound like I am complaining all the time.
However, with a lot of recent hurtful, and hateful things being posted on Facebook, I decided "what the hell?" I know that a few people are waiting to read this post, and I will try not to make you wait too long, but I do not know if I will be posting it within the hour. I guess it just depends on well it flows. This is something that I have given a lot of thought too now, and I want it to come out right and I want people to really understand what I am trying to say, and know that I am not trying to be the BITCH that I know I can be.

Where to start....

I grew up in a somewhat small town just east of Houston. Deer Park, Texas. This is considered (or once was) to be a rich town, in the sense of all of the chemical plants and refineries that surround it. When I was in school there, it was considered one of the best school districts around. Prestigious. Supposedly a great academic record, outstanding athletics department, you name it, that is what this town was. Kids drove brand new cars at the age of 16, many were given every little thing they wanted, or thought they wanted. Most had the latest designer clothes and shoes and always thought they were dressed to the nines. Hello, I don't know if any of your look at your pictures back from the early 90's, but....
There were all the stereotype cliques. Kickers, headbangers, skaters, jocks, cheerleaders, the rich kids, the poor kids, bullies- you get the picture. Schools these days aren't much different. I guess if I had to pick which group I belonged to I would have to say I was a poor, bully, kicker. Maybe? I know in my peers eyes, I was poor. I know in many peoples eyes, I was a bully, but I also wore boots and jeans, but of course not the name brand. I didn't have the finer things in life. I did not get a band new car when I turned 16. Hell, I didn't even graduate high school. I quit when I was 16 and got my GED and moved in with my boyfriend in our own apartment. Huge mistake, yes, but I own it and I do not regret it. At that time, that is what I wanted and what I felt was best for me. I had a few friends in junior high that I am actually still friends with to this day, and some who will probably read this, and I have some "friends" (on Facebook) who I wasn't really all that close with in school, but for some reason accepted their friends request. A couple who it seems  that no matter how much time passes, we can still hang out and talk and cut up just like the old days. Some of those who have changed from what they were back then, and some who have not. It is usually the ones who were considered to the "rich kids" who haven't really changed, and are still just as shallow as the toilet that I shit in. Simply put. There have been countless friends request over the years that I have ignored, and some that I wanted answers from before I accepted them. My reasoning, these assholes never wanted anything to do with me in school, so why the hell are you wanting to be friends now? For the ones that I am friends with on FB, please know that you are there for a reason.

Before I possibly go off the deep end, let me first let everybody know that while I like to think I am still the same girl from back then, I am so much better too. I am not a bully, I stand against it, and I am very adamant with my own children, that you do not be rude, crude, or anything else to anybody. You treat others the exact way that you would want to be treated. My kids are 13 and 9 and I think I have done a damn good job. Of course they still judge people occasionally, but not like I know I did, and not on the same basis as I did, not that it makes it okay, but they are still human, and every human passes judgement at some point or another. They do have things that I didn't have as a child, but mostly because I am blessed in the fact that they have a dad who works not just for himself anymore, but for his kids, and I have an awesome new husband who has taken on more than he ever had to and he has fully embraced it.

Here lately I have been seeing a lot of hateful, and hurtful posts on Facebook, and I just sit back and keep my mouth shut. I don't post half as much stuff as I would like because I do not want the drama that is sure to follow, but I am speaking out now. I am not pointing any fingers at anybody, but should you feel like maybe my statement might fit you, then chances are, maybe they do.

Just because you see someone who is over weight does not mean that they necessarily over eat. In most cases, yes, probably at some point, or maybe even now, they may over eat, but you do not know. You also do not know who these people are friends with and when you get on FB and post about where you were and what you seen and over heard, there is a chance that it could get back to that person. Put yourself in their shoes and she how you would like it. You have no fucking clue if someone has an underlying health issue that has made them gain weight. Chances are even greater that if given the chance, you would not tell that person to their face about the hateful shit that you have posted all over Facebook about them.
People talk about over weight people like they are nothing. Well, guess what, they are humans, just like you. They deserve to go out to eat with their family or friends and not worry if someone is going to post about the fat lady they seen eating out. I said I have changed, and I have, more than many of you know, but sometimes that feisty Tara still comes out, and here is a little fact for your...I have gained weight. I am heavier now than I have ever been in my whole life. I am in the process of doing something about it, but don't think for a split second that I won't let you know how I feel and that I will back down off of your. I will treat you just like the same girls in Jr. High that we once were. I will beat your fucking ass down.

I try to be a very honest person. I am very blunt most of the time because I have found that it does absolutely no good to sugar coat things. If anything, it makes matters worse than they are. I have lost many friends over this...Or maybe I haven't? Maybe they were not really friends after all. Maybe they never truly cared to begin with? I believe that people do come into our lives for a reason, but sometimes I just wonder why. I did not ask for such and such to be in my life, and now being a mother, these things don't only effect me, but my babies as well. I did not ask for such and such to come into their lives either, only to phase themselves out. From where I am standing, it is my household against the world. Not just based on our own choices, but choices made for us by others and their actions, or lack there of. Yes, there are times where I will not just come out and say something, but it is because I know myself, and I try to take others feelings into consideration. There have been times where I have literally dropped everything I was doing just to help someone out, and honestly, even though I live my life with no regrets, I can not sit here and say that if I had it to do over again, that I would do it. You live and you learn I guess.

Here are somethings that I have learned. Relationships, both family and friends are not one sided. It is not about who can do what for you at the moment and then when they can't do something for you, or you don't need them anymore, you move on. It doesn't work that way. You should treat those that you love, equally. Especially children. Communication is a two way street, be on Facebook, text, phone call, email or whatever. If you want me to call you, text you, email you, comment on something that you posted, then I expect the same in return, equally. Chose your words wisely, you never know who is around and who knows who. 

This post seems to get getting more and more off track from where I was intending, so I guess I will go for now, but maybe I will post more later. I don't know.