Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Stupidity, selfish....

Ok, I have completely washed my hands of a life long friend and all of her family. I am D-O-N-E, done!

As stated in previous posts, Joni's daughter Alex asked me to help her find a couple that would adopt her baby when it was born because she knew that she could not take care of it, and she is not ready to be a mother. Not to mention, mentally, she is not ready to be a mother. She is almost 20 and is mentally about 16. All bullshit aside.

Well, Saturday, the 19th, Alex went into labor and went to the hospital and when they decided they would keep her until she had the baby, she called the adoptive mom and told her what was going on and asked her to drive to Austin and come to the hospital, so without hesitation, the adoptive mother did just that. After being up all day and taking care of her own 4 year old, she drove in the middle of the night to be with Alex.
The baby was born at 4:27  the next after noon, on the 20th.
Yesterday, the 21st, I got the call that Alex was possibly going to change her mind. Alex said she needed me to be with her to help her and support her and let her know that giving the baby up was the best thing she could do. Without hesitation I drove to Austin to be with her, and be supportive and reassure her that even though this was a hard choice, it was the best choice. Well, by the time I got there, she apparently already had her mind made up and was keeping the baby. That is her right, and I get that, 100%, I get it.
I talked to her for about 30-45 minutes I guess and tried to tell her how hard it is to take care of a baby and so on. I asked her what made he change her mind, and she said "he's just too cute to give away" and that if he wasn't so cute, it would be easier???!?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????

I am still too pissed off to really think straight and write about it.

Alex wanted everybody to leave the room and send the adoptive mother in the room so that she could tell her. THAT was the most heartbreaking thing I have ever had to listen to. Even though I was not in the room, I could head everything. HORRIBLE!

I feel in my heart that the baby is going to be physically hurt.....
I have expressed my concerns with the hospital and social services.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Inquiring minds

I am sure that I have fucked up by posting something on Facebook about the matter than I am about to go into full detail about. I have gone into detail a little in a previous post, but there is more...

Sorry, but I am just going to put people on blast because it will make this post a whole lot easier.

Back on May 5, 2014 while at a softball game, I received a phone call from Alex, who is like my niece. She informed me that she had had a conversation with Joni, her mother, and that Joni had told her that some sexual stuff had been going on between Rachel, her 15 year old sister, and Jason, who is Joni's 40 year old boyfriend. Alex, who lives in Austin with her Aunt Debbie, told me that they had already called the state CPS hotline and reported it, and that the local police knew and would be going out to the home and doing an investigation...which, it is now July 15th, and they are STILL doing their investigation, and no arrests have been made on the criminal aspect of this case. Joni was arrested the night of May 5th, but only on a probation violation for theft.

So on May 5th, I was contacted by Liberty Count Sheriffs Office (LCSO) and asked if I would be willing to come in to the station and talk with a detective, and give a written statement as to what I was told and by who, and also to see if I was willing to take custody of Rachel. Of course. That is what family does, right? I mean, I am NOT blood related to any of these people, but Joni and I had been best friends since November 1992 and I have been there since day one of all 3 of her kids lives. Alex is now 19, almost 20, and should be having a baby early next week. She has made the hardest decision of her life, and has decided to give her baby boy up for adoption, and I have helped her along with this process. I am the one that put her in contact with the adoptive parents. They are my family and they will be amazing parents to the baby. They have already adopted one little boy, and they are beyond excited to adopt this one. I could never know the pain and anguish that Alex is feeling, and will feel over time, but I can tell you that she has matured so much since becoming pregnant that it is unreal. I have been nothing but supportive of her, and I will continue to support her with this decision. This is the most selfless thing a mother can do. It doesn't mean that they don't love their child, it means they loved them first! Alex knows that she can not take care of and raise a child right now, in anyway, shape or form. I wish people would stop talking so much shit to her and trying to get her to change her mind about this....some of these people being her own fucking mother who doesn't seem to want her own fucking kids, as she is so willing and very quick at wanting to sign papers to let her other 2 kids live with other people, yet wants to fucking fight tooth and nail for this piece of shit, fucktard Jason's 4 kids. Who the hell does that?!?!

Anyway, what has set me off today is a phone conversation that I had, where I was informed about this holy roller bitch name Carol, running her fucking head to other people about me. This is Joni's aunt, who Rachel is now staying with. (I will get to that in a minute) This bitch has never had anything to Joni or her kids. Now all of a sudden she has found Jesus and is this holy roller, and wants to be a "do gooder" and talk all this shit. Well bitch, whatever makes you feel better I guess. But just for the record, I am the one who has legal power of attorney so....keep trying to brainwash Rachel. You think you are doing good right now, but you have no fucking clue just how vindictive and manipulative that little girl can be. When all the gettin' is done, she will be done with you as well.
Wanna talk shit about my parenting, how I need to not plan vacations when it is going to cause kids to miss 2 days of school...FUCK YOU CUNT! MY family vacation was planned and fucking paid for long before Rachel was ever in the picture. It cost me another 2800 fucking dollars to take Rachel. NOBODY helped me when I had Rachel with me. Rachel decided she didn't want to be at my house because she had been lying to me the whole time she was here and I found about it and took the fucking phone away that I had gotten her, which now costs me 50 dollars a month for a phone that isn't being used. Wanna say that this is an unstable environment and that I do not take education seriously, well....guess what bitch, I guess that is why I have a 14 year old going into high school this coming year with college credits already? He makes straight A's and has missed less fucking school in all of his school years than any of Joni's kids did in a fucking semester! I guess that is why I am the one that convinced Alex to go back to high school and graduate, and try to do something with her life?!?
Like I said, you don't fucking know, and I can assure you that you don't want to know me. While I do not go to church, I am a God fearing sinner. I make mistakes, yes, and so do you. I don't fault  you or anybody else for mistakes. What I do fault you for is your own fucking ignorance. If you want to know something or whatever, then fucking ask me. I have no reason to lie to you, or anybody else.
I have learned my lesson in trying to be a do gooder and I can honestly say, IT WON'T FUCKING HAPPEN AGAIN. I have tried to help Joni and her kids out so many times over the years it's not funny. I am the one that took care of Alex the majority of the time while Joni ran off with the fucking carnival. I am the one that was there for her when her mom passed away, even though we weren't really on speaking terms. I have been there all of Alex, Rachel and Bubba's lives....where the fuck have you been??? Oh yeah, busy dropping all this weight and walking out on your husband of God knows how many years after you became skinny, and then finding God. Well guess, I never lost God. I talk to him daily, and I don't need to pretend to be something that I am not! FUCK YOU. EAT SHIT AND GO TO FUCKING HELL!!!! There is a special place in hell for people like you and sex offenders!

So, now to Rachel, she left my house the day that we came home from Disney. She went to go stay with her Nana, which is where her brother is at. As I was dropping her off with her Nana, I confronted her on some stuff that I had found out that she had been lying to me about, and I took her phone away. That is when she decided that she wanted to go home to her mom. She did not want to live with me anymore. I know Rachel well enough to know that once she's got something in her mind, then she is going to do whatever to get her way. I have 2 kids of my own that I have to worry about, and I can not be having her act a fucking fool around my kids. She likes to put her hands on people. She would beat the hell out of her own mom, and kick her in the stomach. That shit would not fly around this house and she knew that. I told her from the beginning that if she ever put her hands on my kids, or myself, that I would beat her down like a fucking grown woman, and I wasn't joking  and she knows that.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Just been thinking...

A very good friend of mine asked me the other day, "How do you measure and put into words how much you miss someone, or how much you love someone?" and I have been pondering that question since. I guess there is really no right or wrong answer, so I don't know why I keep giving this question so much thought, but I do. While I am sure this post will be jumping all over the place, I am sure most of you will get the point, and many of you may start asking yourself these same kinds of questions. It is hard to explain emotions. It is like trying to explain colors to someone who has never seen before. IMPOSSIBLE. Oh, that's purple...a mixture of red and blue...umm, yeah, you just can't explain it because it is something that you just know, because you have seen it your whole life.

Here is what I do know:

When you tell someone "I miss you" or "I love you", it should not be out of habit. It should be because that is truly how you feel. When your first thoughts in the morning are about that one person, and you fall asleep every night thinking about that person, I think it is safe to say that you miss them. You may even love them.  Love is crazy thing. They say that people don't fall out of love, that if you they say they have fallen out of love, then the love was never really thing. I call bullshit, but then again, that is my personal opinion. To me it is a fact, being that I have been there. I believe that you can love someone with every fiber in your being, and yet be in love with someone else. I also believe that so very often, in today's world, love becomes a habit. Marriage becomes a habit. Once it is a habit, it takes a lot to break that habit and either make it right again, or worse case, get a divorce.Divorce isn't an easy decision to make, but I say that if you have given it any thought at all, it's probably the best choice. Somewhere in your marriage you are not happy. I get that no marriage is perfect, and you are always going to have ups and downs, and things are not going to make you happy, so I am not saying just because one of you only wants to eat this kind of food, and the other one only wants to eat this kind of food and that makes you mad, or unhappy, that you should get divorced. There are key things that every marriage should have, and if one of them is lacking...it's probably not going to be your forever after.

Women need to hear that they are missed. They need to know that they are loved. They need to hear it, and be shown. You do not have buy them things to show them that they are loved. They need to feel needed, and most importantly, WANTED. There is a difference. There is a difference when they ask "what do you think about me?" vs "how do you feel about me?" We need passion and intimacy, and there is a difference, and it has very little to do with sex. Soft kisses are the most meaningful. No woman wants to just smash your face to hers when you are kissing her bye for the day.

Men need to feel superior. The need to feel like they are the number one provider, protector of all, but sadly, somewhere along the lines so many things get lost. Men think that once they got the prize, then there is no need to keep doing what it took to get the prize in the first place.

I have been told "I am good at the chase, but once that's over, then what's the point?" Well.......................the point is, you can not treat someone one way and then once you have them, stop doing that because in doing so, you take away everything that made that person fall in love with you in the first place and like I said, once that is gone, it is very hard to get back. Sure, you still love that person, but is it really enough to keep going and trying to make something be there that obviously just isn't? It should not be this way.

So, I know that maybe this went a little differently than how it went in my head, and maybe I should just keep my thoughts about some things to myself, but whatever. These are my thoughts and nobody gets to decide what I think, right?