Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Mind Vomit

Lol. Sorry, I couldn't think of a good title for this post, and I have so much on my mind right now it just seemed fitting. As I sit here waiting on the timer to go off for my second batch of 2 dozen cupcakes my mind is going in every direction possible and then some. I have not blogged in what seems like a million years, and I am honestly trying to get back into the groove of things. This is an outlet for me. Something that I may not be all that great at, but something that I truly enjoy none the less. While at times I have a way with words, more often than not my mind is going so crazy I just can't seem to put everything into words and it still make sense. Make sense? Probably not, but...I guess that is my self diagnosis of adult ADD and my NOT so self diagnosed OCD.

With the holidays very quickly approaching, and the general population trying to force Christmas upon us sooner than should be, I find myself sinking more and more into a funk. I hate the holidays. I don't hate the meaning behind them, just the stress that comes along with them. The stress that many average Americans endure every year. Trying to make sure that all the bills stay paid, that there is food in the house, that kids get what they want, and don't forget about the Elf! The silly fucking elf should be coming out Thursday night! Thankfully, but sadly, our elf, Stormy, will not be making her appearance just yet because my kiddos are with their dad this week and I refuse to decorate the tree without them. Would this be the time that I secretly enjoy the elf and the silly antics that go along with it? I mean, I know that there is no way that Keigan still believes in Santa, so I know there is no way that she believes in the elf, but she enjoys it, and she sincerely cries every year when the elf has to leave. Who the hell am I to take that away from her? I only wish I would have known about it when both of my kids were much younger. I am also proud to say that Dawson has never tried to ruin Santa or the elf for his little sister. Yay! He can be such a butt head to her, but he never tries to ruin these things for her. I think they both enjoy it for one of the biggest reasons I hate it....it is a great memory of my mom. Thanksgiving and Christmas were her favorite holidays ever and both of my kids inherited that I guess. They never ask for too much and they are always excited.

So with this time of year, I always try to keep myself busy so that I don't get swallowed by this lurking depression. I would say this year I am doing a good job at keeping it at bay. While it is for something very heartbreaking, I am keeping my mind occupied with planning a benefit for a childhood friend who has been fighting breast cancer for a few years. AHHH, this is where my mind starts going fucking haywire! I will do my best....here is how all of this came about.....Growing up I had some friends name Kristi, Nichi, and Misty, sisters of course. As we got older and went on with our own lives we lost touch, but then reconnected thru Facebook. I didn't know a whole lot of what they had been up to in life through the years, but I will tell you what I learned over the course of the past few years. I knew that Kristi had been diagnosed a couple of years ago, but I never knew her prognosis. I knew she was kicking ass in her treatments and pushing forward. I knew that at the start of everything her husband decided he wasn't going to stick around through this and he was doing all kinds of crazy drugs and cheating on his wife of 17 years while she was having a mastectomy and of course they got divorced. Good for her! She had bigger fish to fry, but at the same time, they had 2 kids together, and she was going through the biggest struggle of her life. Earlier this year the unexpectedly lost their mom. She had struggled with some health issues, but I don't think it was anything they expect to take her life when it did. While I had been their shoes with loss of their mom, I reached out to them. They were in my daily thoughts, and every time I see something on Facebook about one of them missing their mom, it breaks my heart because I truly know what it feels like.
I know I am leaving out a bunch of stuff, but I am not meaning too. Please forgive me.
Now here it is months after the passing of their mom, Kristi is having complications with her cancer. She had gone into remission but the cancer came back, and with a vengeance. It has been one thing after another and it seems like they can't catch a break. Heartbreaking. Just yesterday the family was given some bad news, Kristi's prognosis is not good, and they don't expect her to make it until Christmas.
Anyway, a few weeks ago Misty has posted something about trying to plan a benefit but that she has so much going on and it was stressing her out. She works full time and takes care of Kristi and Kristi's 2 kids. Kristi's daughter was in her first semester of college at Texas Tech and has left school there to come back home and go to the local community college and work so that she can help take care of her mom. Her son is still in high school. SOO, I told Misty that I would take care of the benefit, if that was okay with her, so that maybe I could help take some of the stress off of her shoulders. Everything is coming along great with the planning but I will say, some people really are ungrateful and just want to try to be the super star or whatever you want to call it. I set up a Facebook page about the benefit so that we can spread the word, and things could be posted on one central page etc. Within just a matter of days I had already secured a venue, got a team of people together to help me out, and had 2 bands booked, a dj, and a few other big things in the works. Then some idiot comes along and posts on this page that I created, pretty much saying that this is going to be a failure, and it's not going to raise any money, blah blah fucking blah. To say that this pissed me off would be an understatement, but I tried my very best not to be a rude bitch. I don't know if it worked or not, but whatever. I guess it is what it is. Here is my take on that whole subject....Kristi didn't just get cancer last week! This has been something that she has been battling for a few years, fucktard. (No, I didn't say that on the post, but I damn sure wanted to) and for starters I am the only person who has stepped up to help plan anything for her and her family and we haven't even been close in years! Don't come at me with some bullshit that you and your wife were planning something with some 15+ death metal bands and all this shit. Why haven't you said anything to anybody? Why has it taken you 3 years what took me less than a week? Am I planning a death metal battle of the bands benefit, NO, but don't tell me that what I am doing is not going to raise money. It's not going to raise millions, but something is better than nothing, and what you claim to be planning isn't going to raise millions either. I very nicely told this dude to continue with his plans and have another benefit for Kristi, as there was no law saying there could only be one. Shit, the more you can do, and the more money you can raise, the better. Especially in a matter like this. This is something I whole hearted believe in, and I feel like it is for a good cause. This dude does not know me, know the people that I am assosiated with, or what we are capable of, and he has absolutely not fucking right to say that "my people" are not big spenders and that this is not going to make any money for the family. Ugh. end of that rant....
While there is still so much to do for this benefit, I feel like it is coming along nicely.
Aside from being busy with all of that, I am also busy with other things. Nothing as time consuming, but still busy. Slowly in the process of starting a business with one of my best friends, plus working on my photography stuff. Not to mention sports. Football just ended for Dawson, and now it is basketball and cross country. It will soon be softball season for Keigan...
Well, I guess that is all for this post. I just finished baking the first 48 cupcakes, and the rest will have to wait until tomorrow. 


  1. You got this... Keep the faith..

  2. I just love reading your blog! You tell it like it is! Do not this this guy get you down on the great things you are doing for Kristi, because like you said a little bit of money is better than none! So no matter how much we raise it will help one way or the other! So glad that Thea made it possible for me to meet you and Crystal, y'all are some awesome ladies! Keep up the good work, we are standing behind you every step of the way!